Almost every couple that I counsel talks about the problem of communication in their relationship. This is a vast subject, but in this blog I will focus on what I mean by Heart-ful Communication. For where there is a lack of clarity in delivering the message, then there is confusion in receiving the message. The result of poor communication is beautifully described in the quotation by Khalil Gibran:
Between what is said and not meant.
And what is meant and not said.
Most love is lost.
Integrity = Head + Heart
Communication is an art and a skill. I see it as an ability which, used with awareness and compassion, makes the message feel heart-fully art-iculated. In other words, good communication is made from a position of integrity (where our head and heart are aligned). The message is clear and unambiguous. It is also conveyed from the heart. In this way, you avoid misunderstandings and a place where ‘love is lost’.
How often have we blurted out a comment only to regret it immediately afterwards? I know I have. Mixed messages are a sign of anxiety by both the communicator and the receiver of the message. Pay attention to your circumstances before communicating: are you stressed, tired or irritated?
A key attitude for all positive human interactions is “paying attention”. All the techniques and knowledge in the world won’t serve or fulfill you without an ability to pay attention both to yourself and your partner. Before you say something of consequence, pay attention to how you’re feeling mentally, emotionally and physically. Do you feel that what you are about to say is well-thought out? Is your partner in a receptive mood and able to hear what you wish to convey? Communicating with your partner from a position of clarity and integrity will ensure the message is not lost. This is the bridge between clarity and confusion.